1. My mother used to say that sadness is always temporary, and I’m trying real goddamn hard to keep that in mind but it’s hard when I’ve felt like I’ve been stuck in a storm for years now. It just keeps on raining and pouring and my heart is flooding and not a single person realizes just how close I am to drowning. My friends tell me to “forget about it” or to “just cheer up”, and if I hear somebody say the word “smile” as if it’s a demand that’s easily obeyed one more time, I might just throw up.
2. Last year, when I asked one of my teachers if I could be excused from an exercise through tears and a broken heart, she got mad at me for “not co-operating.” When I refused to do what she asked, she sent me out of the class and told me not to come back. If I had been bleeding or puking or anything else that was tangible, odds are she would’ve let me sit there and recover. I’m sick and tired of depression being treated like a made up excuse. It hurts, it hurts so bad and I pray to fuck that in ten years from now sadness will be a viable excuse for staying home from school or work because sometimes, we all need a day to collect ourselves and stitch our pulled seams back together.
3. At a family dinner six months ago my uncle overheard me and a cousin discussing white ink tattoos, and how beautiful it was that they resembled scars so closely. After listening to this, he said “But then you would look like a cutter.” It shattered my heart to hear those words, wrapped so tightly in judgement and disgust. Being someone who self harms does not make you weak or pitiful or appalling. It makes you fragile, and people need to understand that you’ll only get strong if they’re patient as your scars heal up.
4. When I was thirteen, I decided to show a close friend the cuts that were wrapped around my thighs like ribbons. While I pulled down the side of my leggings, my heart was in a glass case. When she asked me why “I didn’t just stop doing it”, the case smashed hard and fast. Secrets are painful to hold, but telling them and receiving such negative reactions, lacking both understanding and sympathy, hurts a whole goddamn more.
5. A razor or scale can draw you in and grab hold of you just as tightly as a bottle or a baggie can. My aunt, an alcoholic and a beautiful woman, often lectures me on how bad addiction can get. She has no idea what I’ve been through or how I’ve felt, and I appreciate her words but I know that occasionally, they aren’t true. “It’s not as bad as it looks, a lot of the time.”, she’ll say with a bottle in hand. But it is. Fuck, it is.
If we lived in a world where sadness was understood to be a sickness, then there would probably be a whole lot less of it.
Reblogged from manchud
I was sad, and it wasn’t pretty, but neither were the words that others said to me (via u-u-tf)
Reblogged from theboredboi
Can ppl stop making fun of dark skinned ppls skin not showing up in pictures? Its not funny that you can barely see a dark skinned person in a photo. Its because of white supremacist colorist cameras that were created with a white norm in mind. Its simple shit like this we can do in every day life to eradicate colorism in our communities.
Heres some articles on the subject:
I’m not sure if this was posted as a troll or not. I mean this in the nicest and least offensive way possible, but this just isn’t correct. I used to be a professional photographer. Dark skin not showing up well in photos has literally nothing to do with racism. It has everything to do with the physics of how optics work. ‘White balance’ in cameras is a necessity due to the varying temperatures of natural light vs artificial light. I will agree that it is extremely inappropriate to make fun of someone who doesn’t show up in a picture. Anyone who would go out of their way to do that is a disgrace to the human race, but this isn’t an issue of ethics. It is physics. I’m sorry, but it is true. There are a billion examples of amazing photography showing dark-skinned individuals. The reason cheap point and shoot cameras have a harder time with dark skin has literally NOTHING TO DO WITH WHITE SUPREMACY. The electronics inside of a camera are trying to balance the light levels of a particular scene, and unfortunately, technology is nowhere near the level of our actual eyes in terms of evenly balancing available light in a photo. The iris in our eye is constantly adjusting and readjusting to let in more and less light. A digital camera is not able to do this. If you take a picture of a sunset, you can either expose for the foreground, or the actual sunset. If you expose for the sunset, everything in the foreground will be dark. That’s not because the camera is racist… It’s because that’s how science works. If there are light-skinned and dark-skinned people in the same photo, the camera has a hard time balancing the image to compensate for both. Simple as that. Will you please educate yourself on how optics work before trying to make this an issue of race? And no, I’m not just saying this because I’m a ‘privileged white male’. I’m saying this because I have been in the photography industry for over 15 years, and that’s how photography works.